The worst cars for Valentine’s Day dating

Guys, if you drive one of these cars for a hopefully hot date on February 14, she might love you less and the two of you would never be together forever as lovers, because she hates your ride.

Love is blind, love is holy, I will always love you, love changes everything, love is nothing without you, blah blah blah. 

These are heartfelt terms of endearment which lovers around the world love to use - the romantic Romeos and non-tragic Juliets, the ah bengs romancing the ah lians, the ah sengs chasing the ah huays.  

These guys and gals in love believe that true love transcends everyday mobility concerns such as travel time/cost, traffic and mode of transport. 

But if it’s a relationship hitting the open road for the first time, on February 14 or any other day of the year, how the couple hits the tarmac with tyres and wheels is every bit as important as the chemistry, companionship, romance, pure love and impure lust. 

Personal transport is hugely important to the guy who wants to be the driver in a blossoming relationship, both figuratively and literally. He wishes that his better half (newly minted or otherwise) would be his forever co-driver on the road and in life (married eventually or not). 

Even a “crash test dummy” with flesh, blood and raw emotions could avoid crashing and burning before reaching first base with his dream babe if he drives the right type of car. 

Admittedly, for most guys on dates, any car will do, because it is simply better than SimplyGo and way easier than EZ-Link, i.e. public transport on buses and trains. 

GetGo is good enough, BlueSG is not bad (if the shared EV doesn’t suffer a fender-bender), and even a cheap rent-a-car on its last legs gets the job done (if it doesn’t break down).  

As for guys who much prefer to drive their own four-wheeler on special or first dates, driving the correct kind of car could spell the difference between a sad outcome and a happy ending. 

Here, then, is the Motorist list of the worst paktor cars for Valentine’s Day:

GLORIFIED GO-KARTThese hardcore sports cars are all about hardness - hard to get in/out, hard to drive, hard to live with; hard to bring your beloved passenger anywhere without making her sweaty, angry or both. 

Even the gentlest lady might turn tempestuous after the spastic gymnastics of entering the ridiculously low and cramped cockpit, the yo-yo yoga of settling into the absurdly tight and stiff bucket-seat, and the MMA assault on her senses when the glorified go-kart is on the move. 

It is definitely an incredible drive, but also a terrible date for sure. 

RALLY CAR, BARELY STREET-LEGAL

Every journey feels like an impromptu rally stage in one of these, and even a trip to Great World City turns into a great World Rally Championship. 

If the guy’s WRC fantasy en route includes a trusted navigator reading pace notes, the poor girlfriend/wife has to mouth the Waze directions through the onboard intercom instead of playing with her phone. 

Rally-spec helmets are optional, thankfully, but the four-point racing harnesses are compulsory and uncomfortable. 

Further discomfort is caused by the rock-hard suspension, obstructive roll cage and restrictive bucket seats. The polycarbonate windows let in all the noise and heat from outside, the air-conditioning is either non-existent or non-functional, and the interior has no carpets, no pockets, zero insulation and maximum mayhem.

“FARCE” & FURIOUS BENG-MOBILE

Impressionable ah lians and their ah huay sidekicks love boyracers with racy rides, but even these street-smart ladies who subscribe to the “Young & Dangerous” lifestyle philosophy have their limits when it comes to automotive accessories of the ah beng variety. 

Stupid stickers, silly spoilers, ghastly bodykits, garish cabins, weird neon lights, loud paint jobs, loud exhaust pipes, engines which operate in a hazardous zone between modified and mortified - there are so many ways to make a car more beng but less good. 

However, the overgrown boyracer who has achieved some success in his career path will have the last laugh when he pulls up in a pretty ugly beng-mobile to fetch his pretty woman. 

UNRELIABLE CLASSIC CARYour partner is dressed to kill, your vintage vehicle suddenly decides to die, and your eagerly-awaited dinner date is delayed until the tow truck arrives.

Such a scenario tends to happen if your classic car is antiquated and problematic. And chances are the ancient engine will stop working at an inconvenient juncture, such as during rush hour or in the middle of downtown traffic. 

Making it even more stressful is the classic beauty seated beside you in your beautiful classic car who is trying/failing to keep her cool. Her makeup is melting instead of her heart, there is smoke billowing from the bonnet, and the precious few flames of love between the stranded man and woman are being extinguished. 

HEARSE WITHOUT CASKETFuneral director is a noble profession and funeral parlours provide an essential, respectful service in a rapidly-ageing society like Singapore, but anybody chanting the idea that a hearse can be serene transport for a date would be dead wrong. 

Even if the person works in the funeral business and has the keys to a funereal company car on standby for the next dearly-departed passenger in a coffin, he shouldn’t misuse it after hours for dating, shopping and whatnot.  

The hearse in question might be bright white and dignified, but overstretching its role on the road beyond the funeral wake, crematorium, columbarium and the final resting place of a loved one would be morbid at best. 

“Till death do us part” is supposed to be a meaningful line for weddings, rather than a punch line for meetups.

Read More: The best cars for Valentine's Day dating

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